As a technologist (as well as meditation and breathwork facilitator) who has spent many hours giving keynote speeches on mindfulness (here’s my talk on “Slow Social” or my TedX talk on Embracing Silence), I have developed a niche for finding and championing benevolent tech. So here’s a list of apps I love that help us better connect with the world, nature and other people.

Connect with Yourself

Screen Zen

Screen Zen is a free app that allows you to block any distracting apps or website. I usually have it restrict social platforms from Monday - Friday to x / amount of app opens for x / amount of total time per day. After I have exceeded my daily allotment of app opens, the apps are blocked. If doom scrolling is an issue, Screen Zen may be your solve. Free.

Insight Timer

Insight Timer is hands down the best meditation app on the market. I am a power user and have been since 2012. The app is a compendium of global teachers, therapists and facilitators. It has guided meditations, courses, sounds baths, breathwork and more. The app is free, but I pay the $65 annual sub because I find it highly valuable. I have historically advised my coaching clients to use it like a spiritual pharmacy. If you’re feeling anxious, stuck, in grief or having issues of any kind, type whatever it is into the app then try one of the suggested meditations. You can access the playlist I created for beginning meditators: here.

Gratitude Plus

Gratitude Plus is a newer app I have been using with some of my mentees. The UX is very simple and I’m sure it will evolve. In true Tatiana fashion, I had a chat with the founder yesterday after going back and forth with him over email regarding an issue I had. Daniel is a fantastic, purpose-driven founder who has built a wonderful community. The app is free, but I have the paid version. Daily gratitude logs affect our neuroplasticity so we can experience a better sense of self and a better world, just like meditation.

Connecting with Your World

Blossom

In 2022, I was super sick (mold illness) and couldn’t work for a very long time. One of the things I realized during this time was that I could easily name the make and model of every car on my street, however I couldn’t tell you the name of most trees or flowers. Blossom helped solve that. It uses AI to help you identify plants, trees or flowers and if they’re yours - it will help you also care for them with maintenance tips. Free trial then $5.99 / mo.

Merlin Bird identifier

Merlin is a delight and comes to us from Cornell University. It is 100% free and 1000% a bucket of joy. It identifies birds by their call. You simply open the microphone in the app and it will identify nearby avian friends. I love to cruise around The Huntington Gardens in San Marino and spot new birds. Again, it’s totally free, however they request donations if you love the app. It’s a worthy cause.

Rock Identifier

For my fellow geo baddies out there, Rock Identifier is a hoot. Fun fact, I have six earthquake apps and love studying natural disaster science. I got this app originally to identify local rocks on hikes, but its AI also works on crystals… including your jewelry. It’s super fun and allows you to create collections of what you’ve snapped, just like the other two apps. Free trial then starts at $3.99.

and lastly…

I’ll do a humble plug for my current work.

Feels Music

Based on the premise that music sometimes says what we feel better than words, Feels Music lets you send a music gif to friends. Instead of simply typing, “Long time no see” to someone you’re out of touch with… you could send a Feels gif of Adele singing “Helloooooo, it’s me.” If you’re in the app, you can create your own or share a Feels to Instagram or Snap. If you’re using our mobile keyboard extension, it’ll pop up when you text in the tool bar where you choose gifs from. Best of all, it’s 100% free and helps generate revenue for artists.

We just launched and are early days, so bear with us if it’s buggy and send me any feedback / ideas / investors you may have.

That’s it for this week!

Eat cake. Touch grass. Scroll less.

T

SO… I’ve been busy.

But now, a little over one year later, I’m less emo and ready to write.

So here’s what you have signed up for if you’re coming along on my ride.

Who Am I?

I am a 48-year-old half Brazilian (dual citizen), half Armenian native Angeleno who is also inexplicably, an Anglophile. I love wellness fare and biohacking, but find most in the space to be nauseating. I own nothing Lululemon, nor have a Stanley cup (no shade). I do eat a lot of protein and don’t drink, but I also enjoy real cake. Not some weird “cream cheese in a cup with strawberries and nut butter that tastes like cake!” It doesn’t, Ashley. Stop it. It. Does. Not. Taste. Like. Cake. I am talking real ass cake that gives me a dopamine hit so hard I start dancing in the bakery. (My current obsession is the earl grey morning bun from the Salted Butter Co. in Pasadena.)

Life is hard for so many of us lately and the biggest thing I’ve learned this past year is that it’s all about balance. I believe in moderation with just about everything, except alcohol. I was a hall of famer when it came to alcohol, so I had to retire from the league.

This is what it will look like:

A. There will be some wellness / well-being type posts. (Par example, I’m navigating the late 40s without HRT. It didn’t work for me. Media suggests it’s the only option. It ain’t.)

B. There will be some recipes both healthy and also, not healthy. I am not giving up sugar 100% because life is short and I want the cake. (I just made a killer saffron, orange blossom cake last week. Look at this merengue…)

C. Music-related things may show up here? I’m a former touring artist, music journalist and have worked in the industry a long time. My favorite music is shoegaze (dreamy, space rock with big guitars) and post punk (well, they play this at the supermarket now… y’know New Order, Cocteau Twins, Joy Division, the Cure type fare) so heads up.

D. Beauty stuff. I don’t do plastic surgery or GLP-1s (again, no shade), I do however… love me some botox, lasers and Korean skincare. I’m into honesty. My current anti-aging strategy is getting ripped so my biceps and abs distract from my neck heading south.

E. Self-improvement type fare… I’m a discoverer and always on a quest to seek, better myself and then share. My Medium is full of that. It has over 2,500 subscribers, but it feels like more folks are here… so here I am.

F. Punctuation that is an odyssey. But hey, it’s me and not ya’ girl Claudine Chattiqua Geepeetee.

If any of those bullets interest you, stay along for the ride. If they don’t, hit unsubscribe and I won’t cry. I’m fresh out of f*cks after last year, buds! (Sorry, I do be cussing sometimes.) I promise to publish weekly at the bare min, more than that when I feel inspired. Sound good?

xo

Tat

the author. 48.

Suffering is a subject I am intimately acquainted with. I often joke that I’m a “grief doula” because of the sheer amount of devastation and loss I’ve experienced. I like to also say that I’m “Resilient™.” Resilience is my trademark — not one I enjoy having, but here we are.

As someone semi pro at suffering and getting to the other side of unthinkable dark times, I’d like to offer some suggestions for anyone, anywhere who is hurting right now. Take what resonates, leave whatever doesn’t. Just know, the sun will rise again. Until then… be gentle with yourself.

Accept the Slow

One painful aspect of our lives today is that we want answers and relief quick. But when suffering knocks on our door, sometimes more often than we’d like, we may learn that healing takes time. We may be forced to slow down.

This can be excruciating. So, how can we accept the unacceptable? You do your best and take it one day at a time.

It is said that anxiety is a preoccupation with the past or an obsession with the future. In the most painful times of my life, I have found that being present is the antidote. I will not say that it is fun nor easy. However, my suffering begins to release gently, as I slow down and sit with it.

Sometimes this looks like taking things one minute at a time… if one day at a time seems too hard.

Tip: One gentle way to slow down is to put your hand on your heart, close your eyes and ask, “What do I need right now?” Sit quietly, breathe deeply and see what comes to mind. The answer might be… a good cry. A nap. That one cereal you enjoyed as a kid. Avoiding the news for 24 hours. Not talking to that person who is annoying you. Watching a favorite 90s movie. Saying a prayer. If the response you receive feels helpful and harmless, give that to yourself.

Being Gentle Can Be Simple

One of my friends who lost everything in the Eaton Fire has taken to posting gratitude stories every day on Facebook. They are grateful their teenagers are getting along better now. They are grateful that the fire forced them to declutter (despite the fact that they’ll miss their comic book collection). They are grateful they got to celebrate their son’s birthday with some other “burn outs” as they’re calling their displaced neighbors. Gratitude is a simple and gentle practice, but it can bring a little comfort.

For me, allowing some comfort food is a way to be gentle. LA is definitely a town where we think about body image more often than we’d like. Sometimes gentleness looks like fast food or a favorite dessert. If we can be intentional and say, “This isn’t forever, but for right now… I really need this.” We give ourselves the grace to practice gentleness and support our own healing.

Tip: Can you write a short gratitude list today and send it to a friend or share to your social media? Can you think of one food that brings you comfort and enjoy it intentionally sometime in the next few days? (For me, it’s Indian food… I ate a lot of it last week.) It can also be a simple gift. I sent a friend who lost everything a gift card to Sidecar doughnuts. I heard she was staying near one of their locations and she’s been very quiet. Doughnuts definitely bring me comfort. She later texted that her husband said it was the best doughnut he ever had in his life. Gentleness doesn’t require grand gestures.

Gentleness Includes Boundaries

Not everyone is entitled to your time or your energy. You do not need to reply to text messages or emails quickly. You do not need to respond to all DMs. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known them twenty years. It doesn’t matter if they think they’re entitled to your time. (Although if they’re your boss, practice this within reason.)

Your energy is yours.

Now, boundaries have been given a bad wrap lately. I’ve seen some folks say that we’re cultivating an unrealistic ideal when we live in an unsafe world. To be honest, I don’t disagree. That said, boundaries are not synonymous with cutting people out of our lives. They can be as simple as not responding to that person today, but getting back to them when you have space.

That is the gift of boundaries: space.

Space allows us the gentleness to see what we need in this moment before engaging with others. We must put our own oxygen masks on before we can help anyone else. I can’t engage with you, if I’m not taking care of me.

Tip: There’s a free app I use called Screen Zen when I need to put boundaries on my social media use. Yesterday, I requested that a family member who lives out of state not send me religious content about the fires being “God’s judgment on LA.” I am also observing the boundaries of my friends who have lost everything. Some are openly engaging and responsive for help. Others don’t want to talk and are withdrawn. Whatever the case is, I am honoring their space. Their healing journey does not require my input, but should they want my help - they know I’m here.

Being of Service Can Heal a Broken Heart

Even if you’re the one who lost everything, being of service (if you have the energy) can be tremendously healing. In 2008, my life unraveled in a short period. Within a span of ninety days (October to December), I was robbed, almost killed in a car accident that left me with injury and PTSD and then… my dad died suddenly. Also, my mom had cancer and I was four months sober. So, it was not a fun time.

That Christmas Eve, a friend invited me to volunteer at a non profit for the homeless in Los Angeles. Considering I had no plans but to sit around and cry all day, I said, “Sure.” To be honest, I don’t even know why I said yes. I think I was just happy to have somewhere to go. It was a healing experience. Sitting in my pain, I felt like no one could understand how bad it was for me. But giving back to people also suffering changed that. Thank God I was in recovery which makes being of service a prime tenet for a happy and purposeful life. Not sure I would have done it otherwise. Sad, but true.

Tip: If you have the energy to be of service to someone else, try it. I’m currently fundraising for a 74-year-old woman named Wylda from Altadena who lost everything (including her car). I have a home and I have some energy, so I’m doing what I can to change one woman’s life. On my Instagram, I had mentioned how sad Wylda was over losing her low top Converse in the fire (it really is the little things). A friend of mine who is currently displaced with their family of five from the Palisades fire reached out and said she would like to buy Wylda some new Converse. I tried to protest, but she wouldn’t have it. Oh, my heart. When we give to others, we gently heal our own pain.

Kick Shame and Guilt to the Curb

It’s okay if you didn’t lose everything. It’s okay if you did, but you’re wealthy and have options. It’s okay if you’re not wealthy and you have to ask for help right now. It’s okay if you’re not able to fundraise like your friends. It’s okay if you need to cry right now. It’s okay if some of your thoughts haven’t been noble this past week and you’ve judged your friends. It’s okay if you don’t even live in Los Angeles and you’re sad. It’s okay if you live somewhere else and wish your natural disaster had more attention.

It’s all okay.

I’ve learned that while my first thought might not always be the best, as long as I do better with my actions - then it’s okay. Suffering brings up a weird melange of feelings. Remember, the grief process includes anger. We’re not always going to be our best during hard times. Love yourself as if you were a child. You’re doing your best. Some days will be better than others.

Tip: Actively choose to practice gentleness every time you start to engage in shame or guilt. When we are suffering, we do not need to make things harder on ourselves. We need our own kindness. One poem I often return to in hard times is:

“Healing comes in waves
and maybe today
the wave hits the rocks
and that's ok,
that's ok, darling
you are still healing
you are still healing.”

―Ijeoma Umebinyuo

If you’ve made it this far and would like to read some of previous work on hard times, suffering or resilience, I have included a few links below. I previously hosted all of my writing on Medium however, all new pieces will be here on Substack. Thank you. 🫶🏽

The Wisdom of the Fire Runner - Interesting title considering current circumstances. I wrote this two years ago after an illness decimated my life. A fire runner is a mine worker who goes into the mine after a blast to put out fires and replace batteries. They run towards the pain, not away from it.

The Great Exhaustion - A piece I wrote during Covid about how exhausted all of us are. It was in response to the idea of “the Great Resignation.” My hypothesis is, folks weren’t just quitting jobs. They were exhausted with the way our society currently operates.
Six Things I Learned from a Year of Loss - This was written after my mother died of breast cancer in 2012. Pretty self explanatory.

An Addiction to Disagreeing - The Disease of Internet Commenters - I wrote this after Philip Seymour Hoffman tragically died in 2014. Sadly, not much has changed when it comes to mean comments and the Internet. Regardless, I was really heartbroken because I loved his work and just wanted to challenge folks to be kind when others are hurting.

LA is polished and it is messy.

It is opulent mansions and it is candy-colored tiny houses along the side of the freeway in East LA.

It is generational wealth and it is immigrant families with 4 kids in two bedrooms.

It is Michelin meals and it is the best tacos from that guy with the cart on that one corner.

It is the place where your heart was broken beyond repair and it is the place where your dreams came true.

It is a place with some of the most beautiful, fake people you have ever seen (and the natives will *always* point out that they’re transplants) and it is also a place with some of the realest folks you’ll ever meet

It’s the place where you partied way more than you ever should have and it’s probably the place where you got sober also

It doesn’t care how you do things in New York, but it’s also not trying to drive to the Westside (or conversely, the Eastside)

It is the most congested areas with streets so narrow you wonder how a car can fit and it is the sprawling Eaton Canyon with mysterious, whimsical trees that look like Tim Burton dreamed them up himself 💔

It has a big heart, this city that is a litany of juxtapositions.

And it will rebuild.

Those of us who have not lost our homes will carry those of you who have

…and we will help the animals too.

Take heart LA, take heart.